Ninja Vanish!!!

Have I told you that I love Germany? Because I do.

And everyone keeps telling me how magical Christmas is in Germany - so I wake up every morning excited to see that magic begin. Word on the street is that Christmas was invented here. Oh, really? So were a couple of World Wars....real talk...hahaha - ANYHOO -

With all the hustle and bustle of the holidays - I've found myself talking incessantly to my cousin about my memories. I'm probably driving her nuts - but I realized that as much as I talk a big game of not being homesick - I really miss all of you this time of year.

Please, let me share one of my favorite memories of the Christmas season. Hopefully, it will help to warm your heart and remind you of what's important throughout the year.

Growing up, our family had a great tradition of being "Secret Santas" for certain families that were having a hard time. It was fun picking out gifts for others, wrapping them, and then leaving them for the families without being noticed. And believe you me - I am EASY to notice.

My favorite year of Secret Santa was a particularly cold Christmas season that kept a lot of ice on the ground. The "elves" that night were: Bunny, Me, and Ladybug. Big Ray & Rin-Dizzle were in the getaway white van with wood interior and were whisper shouting instructions to us. I usually get giggly at some point of the delivery - it's cold, we're trying to be sneaky, and we're slipping and sliding all over the place. There are only 2 flights of stairs (they switchback onto the porch) and the last steps and porch are encased in a railing. The first flight wasn't hard for us to execute. Once we got up to the porch we take inventory:

• laundry baskets full of gifts - check
• large Tongan girl breathing hard - check
• small Asian girl buried under one of the baskets - check
• Jungle Book's Mowgli....wait - where is Ladybug?

It doesn't matter - we haven't knocked yet and the porch light flips on. ABORT! ABORT!

Bunny and I throw the baskets onto the porch and make a mad dash to the car. We fore go the bottom steps and run through the yard. We're making a mad dash to the - wait, where in the hell are our parents with the van?! Turns out Big Ray had to turn around...which meant driving down the street?! Bunny and I are freaking out and whisper yelling at each other.

Suddenly, we hear Ladybug's urgent whisper. We turn in slow motion to see him up on the porch - buried under the baskets we just threw. We are all whisper yelling at this point - him at us - us at him - our parents at us - it's Christmas CHAOS.

*Ladybug struggling to get off the porch*
Bunny & Me (whisper shouting): hurry up!!! we're going to get caught!!!

*I see my parents parking a couple houses down the street and I'm G-O-N-E. No time for Semper Fi - this big gurl already knows how long it's going to take to get to the car.*

*Bunny sees my courage and takes off after me*

Ladybug (panic whisper): wait!!! wait for me!!! 

*By this time, Bunny and I are laughing so hard and it takes everything to just open the van doors and jump in.*

Rin-Dizzle (whisper shouting): where is your brother?!

Bunny and I are too busy laughing and trying to breathe. All we can do is point to the house.

Big Ray: *putting the van in gear* I see him. We've got to get him before we're all caught.

He brings the van towards the house - and then the most amazing thing happens: Ladybug decides to take the stairs.

Big Ray, Rin-Dizzle, Bunny, and Me (whisper shouting): no!!!

Too late - Ladybug takes his first step, slips, and plummets head first down the last flight of stairs.

Bunny & Me: BAHAHAHA!!!

Ladybug: *whisper crying*

Rin-Dizzle (whisper shouting): devin! get in the car! get - in - the - car!!!

*Ladybug slowly gets up and starts limping to the van.*

Rin-Dizzle (still whisper shouting): hurry! hur-ree!

We open the door for Ladybug as he falls into the van. His face is bloody and there are tears frozen to cheeks. He's lying on the floor behind our parents.

Rin-Dizzle: RAY - DRIVE!!!

Big Ray jerks the van into drive and Ladybug rolls around in pain. Rin-Dizzle turns around to see what has happened to her baby.

Ladybug (yelling): WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?! *crying*

*silence*

Rin-Dizzle glares at us from the front seat.

Bunny and I slowly look at each other - then at our mom - and then at our crying brother.

Bunny & Me: BAHAHAHA!!!

Family is what's important...and so is laughter. ;)

<3 Merry Christmas everyone - I love and miss you - wherever you may be!!! <3

Fog 'N' Asians!!!

*WARNING!!!* This blog may contain some stereotyping of accents in order to truly portray my story - not to be racist or mean...although I am a hater. You have been warned and if you choose to be offended - I am sorry for my wrong. I blog truth.


I pride myself on my sense of direction. Out of all my siblings - I'm the one that travels the most, knows how to read maps, and doesn't freak out when I'm lost...which actually happens a lot.


It seems paradoxical - but it's the truth - I'm AWESOME at getting lost and I'm AWESOMER getting un-lost. (Did I mention that my English is deteriorating with the German I'm learning and Spanglish/Tonglish I pretend to know?)


SO - the easiest place for me to make friends (and feel good about myself...hahaha) is at our Church's Young Single Adult activities. It's a place for all the LDS kids (ages 18-150) that can't get married - to hangout with other kids that can't get married and pretend that we know what dating and human interaction is. Here in Germany, the place we meet isn't at a church. It's at a place appropriately named: Young Single Adults Outreach Unit. And it is here - that my adventure begins...


For the Monday before Thanksgiving - we had our own little Thanksgiving dinner. It's fun for the Americans to show some culture, Germans to judge us, and everyone to bring friends for free food. Aaaannnddd - it was a success! The food was great - everyone ate my pani popo with vigor - and I was able to hangout with my newly acquired Tongan friend, Tu'ifua. It's crazy how Jesus just keeps handing me brown friends to hug (he's a Kahuku Boy - raised in Hawa'ii!).


It's getting pretty late (9:30 pm...don't hate!) and one of the Elders (a missionary for our Church) comes over and asks if I drove to the activity. I slowly reply, yes and he proceeds to ask if I would be able to take 3 guys home. Turns out that they came with one of the YSA guys, but he left them. Y'all know how much I love to serve Jesus - so I tell him that's fine and to show me who the 3 guys are. It turns out that they're Chinese and I ask him what their names are.


Missionary: "I don't know. But they can tell you - they speak English".

Sounds goody! So we all head out to the parking lot and say goodbye to each other (Tu'ifua offered to drop them off while he was driving away...just out of reach of the *slap* I wanted to give his face) and the Asians (labeled 1,2,3 respectively) and I start piling into my little red Opel.



Imagine this a cherry red...with a large, brown girl driving....



Me: Alright! So what's your guys' names?

*All the Asians look at each other and shrug their shoulders*

Me: Ha! Do any of you speak English?

Asian 1: A ritter

*Asian 2 and Asian 3 take the backseat without saying a word and Asian 1 rides shotgun*

Me: Okay! Where do you guys live?

*All the Asians look at each other in surprise and start speaking Chinese*

Asian 1: You do not know whell we rive?

Me: Sorry bout it! I just know that I'm supposed to take you home tonight. You live in Kaiserslautern, yeah?

*more Chinese*

Asian 1: Ah, yes!

Me: Good! You guys just need to show me where to drop you off.

*concerned Chinese*

Asian 1: You have no gps?

Me: Nope

*All Asians bust out their iphones*   
  

By this time, the German fog has set in and I have taken at least 2 wrong turns on the roundabouts - so we're lost

Asian 1: *holding up his pink iphone & pointing to gps* You forrow brue rine to house!

Terrific! No more worries then - thanks to their iphones (I thought I'd never say that...ha!). 

But did I tell you that I have no power steering in my red Opel? That makes the phrase, "turns on a dime" completely fictional. And sometimes - you NEED to be able to turn quickly...when you're lost...in a thick fog...with people you don't know...that don't speak Engrish...hahaha

And have I told you that I lost my glasses my first week in Germany and to save on money - haven't changed my contacts since October 1? So, seeing is hard enough in broad daylight...add fog + night + Asian holding gps in his hand and not where I can see it anyways = EXCITING.

So we are cruising - and I should mention that their town is only 10 minutes away, but we've been lost for at least 30 minutes by now. I learn so many things the hard way - and tonight (among many others) I am learning that speeding to get un-lost does NOT = success.

Me: *squinting to see the gps* So....do I turn anytime soon?

*Chinese ABOUT me, not directed TO me*

Asian 1: Uh, no. You go stlaight - the whore time - STLAIGHT.
Me: Hoki poki - but I'm reading the signs just in case...
Asian 2 (seated behind me): 100 meetah
Me: 100 meters til what?
Asian 1: STLAIGHT
Me: *stepping on the gas pedal* Oooookay...

*Asian 3 starts speaking Chinese to Asian 1 - I can tell they are disagreeing about something*

Asian 2: 100 meetah
Me: What?
Asian 1: No - just go STLAIGHT

*more Chinese*

Asian 1: REFT!!! You go reft light heel...
Me: What happened to going straight all the way?! *Asians stay silent* Well, we just passed an exit, I think - so should I turn around and go back?
Asian 1: *pointing to gps* No - reft - light - heel...
Me: Well....it doesn't look like it leads anywhere, but okay...

I take a left...onto an unpaved road. It leads into an alley that goes behind a bunch of housing and is filled with litter and dumpsters. I hope these Asians know some kung fu, 'cause we about to get jumped by vampires or werewolves...

Asian 1: Uh...this - is - not - a - load...
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Me: That's what I said! I'll just pull back out and I'll take the exit we passed.

*more Chinese*

We have now been lost for at least an hour - but I find my way to Kaiserslautern from wherever we were driving. I can't even celebrate my high levels of INTELLIGENCE because the present company would most likely bail out of my moving car - out of fear.

Me: How long have you guys been here?

*more Chinese*

Asian 1: Uh...9 month?
Me: Y'all just going to school?
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: Uh - yes.

*more Chinese*

Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: How rong you heel foh?
Me: Oh, I've been here for 3 or 4 weeks?

*more Chinese*

We finally find their apartment building and they all start getting out.

Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: Do you know how to get home?
Me: Nope.

*All the Asians laugh*

Asian 2: *waving goodbye* 100 meetah!

Into the fog they went - and back in my car I sat - ready to find my way home...which I did...eventually. ;)

                                                                                                                             

Sitting in the FRONT seat - Sitting in the BACK seat...

I made it to Germany!!! HOLLA!!! :) or should I say "HALLO!!!"...hahaha

My first few moments, back in Europe, were inspiring - so I have to share...


I had spent 13+ hours traveling - eating airplane food (no complaints on the *free* part) - half deaf from my ear infections and ear drops - and doped up on ibuprofen/tylenol/hydrocodone/crackcocaine/what-have-you - and I found my way to the Alex Airport Shuttle to take me to home.

The Culprit

I'm told that because I'm the farthest away - I will be dropped off last. They throw my luggage in the bottom of the back of a tall Eurovan - and I climb in the back seat. There's a driver's seat - a passenger seat - a 2-3 person bench infront of me (full) - and then my bench seat that has room for 3-4 people. A family of 3 comes to sit by me, but ends up sending their son to the front - so we have more room in the back. It turns out that they are new to Germany as well - and moving straight from O'ahu! That was a relief - because we've got at least an hour ride ahead of us. Now it won't be awkward because we're practically family. ;) I was holding my fuzzy pillowcase (full of my favorite minky blanket) and my ukulele. And we were ready to go!




The ride starts off well - I'm having a good time. We're swapping stories about Hawaii and military life. Which I have a lot to offer - because I'm both Hawaiian AND military...but we're excited that we have each other and that makes me happy. So happy in fact, that I wish it would have never ended.

Germany is beautiful! Imagine any fairytale that you grew up hearing - and you're picturing Germany. Dense forests full of witches and wolves - rolling hills - villages tucked into the landscape - castles - bakeries - German people (that love to stare) - and roads so narrow and twisty, that no Tongan (who gets carsick easily), should find herself caged in the back of a Eurovan.



My downfall...

I started feeling a little queezy when we dropped off the first person. I was trying really hard to concentrate on my conversation with Hawaiian Lisa and ignore the imposing headache that was on the edges of my mind. If I could make it to the next drop off - maybe Hawaiian Lisa and her husband could move up and I could stretch out on the back seat. I closed my eyes to help me accomplish that goal.

 

The thing about Alex Airport Shuttle drivers is that they just want to get people dropped off. The more people they help - the more chance of tips they'll have. With that in mind, they don't care how they get to the drop off points - they just want to get there and FAST. Not to mention, they're used to driving these evil roadways - so they fly through the streets like monsters...come to think of it - they ARE monsters.

By the time we got to the second drop off point - both Hawaiian Lisa and her husband were complaining about the carsickness as well. It made me feel a little better - but I was now at the point, I couldn't really open my eyes. Hawaiian Lisa and her husband moved to the middle part - and I was excited to stretch and feel better.

I started out with my pillow against the window and my head on my pillow. But, the Monster Driver had some magical power that made me feel EVERY movement of the cursed Eurovan. I got rid of the pillow and realized how hot I was. I started pressing my face and hands against the cold glass - getting a brief moment of relief, but the magic was TOO strong!!! I stripped off my jacket and shoved it into my pillowcase. I couldn't breathe well - I was sweating - and I couldn't seem to make myself feel any better. Looking out the window made it worse. Closing my eyes and steadying my head against the seat made it worse as well. I was doomed...

Monster Driver swerved around a curve...*gulp*

Monster Driver slammed on the breaks...*gasp*

Monster Driver knew how to work his black magic all too well!!! I started to panic - there were no shoulders to pull over on. There was no way to stop on the autobahn. WHAT DO I DO?!

I reached for the only comfort I had left in this world - the pillowcase.



Knight in Shining Armor

Yes - it was full of my favorite minky blanket. It also contained my fleece jacket that I had ripped off during the Battle of Heat. I had to decide quickly - for the fate of my world trapped in Eurovan was quickly unravelling.

Monster Driver laughed viciously as he took 3 more curves and turned up the heat.

I surrendered.

I pulled my snowglobe encrested pillow case open - and began to vomit.

:(

I wretched the contents of my travels into my pillowcase at least 3 times - praying that no one could see, hear, or smell me.

:(

You know what though? After admitting defeat - I felt a MILLION times better...almost COMPLETELY healed!

It's like - the Monster Driver had no power over me any longer - and I was ready to fight...or do a load of laundry. ;)

I was actually dropped off before the family from Hawaii (because I couldn't go on base yet...or because they heard my battle cries?). I was able to dump out the contents of my defeat in my cousin's yard and guess what?! Only my jacket and one side of the pillowcase were compromised - leaving my minky blanket UNHARMED!!! It's a GERMANY MIRACLE!!!

I rushed inside - got my clothes and pillowcase into the washer, changed my shirt, and even administered more ear drops before my cousin got home!

HOORAY FOR MY FIRST BLOG FROM DEUTSCHLAND!!!

"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation" - George Bernard Shaw

Now that I live at home - and all my friends live far away from me (especially when I don't have a car) - I find myself communicating with the same people...ALL - THE - TIME. I feel bad for these people - because I talk a lot. Lucky for you - our conversations are almost ALWAYS inspiring.

I don't want my blog to be another neglected child of my ADHD - so when I feel like I have nothing to say - I'll just post what I have said. :)

KAHE BOI

*Kahe (my 2 year old Hawaiian nephew) watching "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron"*

Kahe: Horsey Neigh!!!

Ladybug: For reals, Kahe? This movie SUCKS!

Kahe: Horsey Neigh!!!

Me: Dude, you would think the horses would talk...especially when there are only horses in the scenes. But, not in this movie - they all just neigh...it's almost creepy.

Kahe: Horsey Neigh!!!

Ladybug: WHY are we watching this?

Me: Because Kahe wants to...

                                         Kahe: Horsey Neigh!!!

LADyBUG

Me: I think that the narrator or voice for Spirit is Matt Damon!

Ladybug: No WAY! He would never do something this lame!

*Kahe running in circles - acting like he's riding a horsey neigh*

Me: *googling the voices of Spirit* Holy crap - there's an official site!!! Aaaannnnd...MATT DAMON IS THE VOICE OF SPIRIT!!!

Ladybug: WHAT is this world coming to?!

*Kahe runs straight into the fireplace and falls down (unhurt)*

Ladybug: BAHAHAHA!!! Never mind - this movie's worth watching! 

 

ROOTBEER FLOAT

RiN-DiZZLE

*I'm making a rootbeer float and sucking the foam off the top of it*

Rin-Dizzle: EW!!! That noise is SOOO dis-gusting!!!

Me: Why?

Rin-Dizzle: Because it sounds so gross!!!

Me: What does it sound like, mom?

Rin-Dizzle: Like...like...
Me: Someone sucking off the foam of a rootbeer float?

Rin-Dizzle: YES!!!

Ladybug: Guess what? I'm going to Vegas this weekend!

Me: Why?

Ladybug: Because I'm getting paid for driving back a car....

Me: Just don't look in the trunk...

Ladybug: Why do you say that?

Me: Because people don't just pay people to drive back their cars -

Ladybug: They do if they're super expensive, nice cars!

Me: Then those people don't pay you to drive them back.

*All of us are watching tv*

Ladybug: Mom, what does pompous mean?

Me: You

Rin-Dizzle: Arrogant...

Me: You

Rin-Dizzle: Self absorbed...

Me: Brat

Rin-Dizzle: Uhhhm

Me: YOU

*Ladybug flips me off* 

Rin-Dizzle: DE-VIN!!!

Ladybug: What? I was pompousing HER!!! 

Me: *with inner and outer ear infections* Ladybug - does my face look swollen?

*Ladybug looking at me and smiling*

Me: Nevermind - don't answer that...

The Christensens vs The Canyon

Have any of you ever noticed how easily I fall asleep in the car (driving and riding - but let's focus on the passenger part)? There's actually a very logical explanation for it and his name is: Big Ray. 

We grew up traveling with our parents. All of our family vacations were road trips back to Utah and further - so riding in the car holds a place in my heart. I would like to tell you my favorite memories of riding in the car - but I was asleep the majority of the time. If you ask my siblings what their memories were of - they'll most likely reply with the same answer: they were asleep.

How did my parents manage to keep 6+ children asleep for most of the 16+ hours in car? 

I thought it was their choice of music. MoTab, The Carpenters, Lettermen, Beach Boys, Barry Mannilow, Air Supply, church music - all great artists to snooze to. In fact, I'm pretty sure my parents were snoozing to them while they drove sometimes. Logical - yes. Correct - no. 

After multiple discussions with siblings, road trips with non-family, and recent trips with my parents - I came to the correct conclusion. We slept - because we were afraid to stay awake.

There's a saying among the Christensen kids: "Fall asleep quick - or be awake the REST of the ride".

I love my dad

But his driving skills alone - could be used as a means to interrogate suspects and make them confess to their crimes. He swerves - he dozes off - he speeds - he looks for items in the seat that he can't possibly reach - he tries to open Twinkies with both hands - he runs off the road (bumpbumpbumpbumpbump) - tries to find his cell phone - and all while whistling or humming along to "Rainy Days & Mondays". If you don't get in and get to sleep - you WILL be awake the REST of the ride - worried and afraid of every movement Big Ray makes. This week was no different.

Rin-Dizzle was super excited to head up the canyon with family and eat the first pot of chili this season. It's become a tradition - and since I'm headed to Germany next week - Ladybug graced us with his presence as well. We loaded up the car: Big Ray driving, me as passenger, Rin-Dizzle and Ladybug in the back. We decided to hit up a new spot in Little Cottonwood Canyon and were on our way.

Maybe it was the heat turned all the way up with me in layered clothes.

Maybe it was Ladybug being a brat.

Maybe it was the curves of the road.

Maybe it was Rin-Dizzle stressing out about the weather and the new venue and the chili in the trunk and getting ahold of Bunny and the...hahaha

Whatever the reason - my nerves were shot and I started getting carsick. Big Ray was taking the curves of the mountain like a NASCAR pro. The only problems are that:

1. Big Ray is NOT a NASCAR pro
2. The Hyundai we are packed in - is NOT a NASCAR vehicle
3. It's starting to rain...but that doesn't phase Big Ray
4. The view off the side of the mountain on MY side keeps coming so close - that even the tight grip on the handle above my window gives me no comfort

We get a call from my Uncle Kent - stating that the camp grounds we are supposed to eat chili at are closed. We drive to the ski resort, Snowbird, and meet up in the parking lot to make a game plan from there. I start to feel a little better - and actually take a moment to enjoy the still, not moving closer to me, trees and mountains. That time is short - because we decide that the mountains aren't working for us - and we need to make our way back down the mountain - and to a park.

*Big Ray speeding down the mountain*

 

Rin-Dizzle: Ray - remember that Analee's not feeling well.

Big Ray: Is that right? Are you car sick?

Me: *watching the road and holding on for dear life* N-no...I'm doing a little better.

Rin-Dizzle: Well, someone needs to get ahold of Sunny and Larry so they don't come up the mountain. I don't know why we couldn't just go to American Fork Can-

*Big Ray cutting through the curves and still speeding*

Me: Dad - you're scaring me! *starting to cough from my cold*

Ladybug: YEAH!

Big Ray: Well, I'm just trying to keep up with Uncle Kent!

Ladybug: Yeah - but he's in a 4-wheel drive SUV and we're NOT.

Big Ray: That doesn't matter. *grips the wheel tighter and glares at the road*

Me: *coughing turns to hi-burps*

>>>>Side note: Hi-burps are when I get the hiccups - but instead of hiccuping like normal "hi-cup" - I burp "hi-burp". It sounds kinda gross...but I can't help it...don't judge me!

*Big Ray's cell phone rings - but he can't find it - and instead of switching hands to look for it - he uses his right hand to check his left pockets - and starts swerving ALL OVER THE ROAD*

*ALL OF US SCREAMING*

Big Ray: *finally on his phone* Hello?

Me: *hi-burp* Give me your phone dad - you're freaking us out!

*Big Ray hands over the phone*

Me: *on phone* Hey Bunny...*hi-burp*

*Big Ray swerves again*

Rin-Dizzle & Ladybug: *screaming*

Me: *hi-burp*

Rin-Dizzle: OH NO!!! She's going to throw up!!!

Ladybug: *laughing*

Me: *hi-burp* MOM - I can hear you! *hi-burp*

*ALL OF US LAUGHING*

*Big Ray swerves again*

 *ALL OF US SCREAMING*

HAHAHA - no worries! We made it down the mountain in safety...just without sanity.

And you know what? Not one drop of the chili spilled! 

THE CHRISTENSENS: 1

LITTLE COTTONWOOD CANYON: 0

Fast Foward to Flashback!!!

Something happened this week - that took me to memory lane - and warmed my heart. I feel that, by understanding my past - you can understand and enjoy my present/future/what-have-you.

In Kansas City - one of our favorite places to be was at the amusement park: WORLDS OF FUN (and yes - it was WORLDS OF FUN...hahahaha). I love roller coasters - but my all time FAVORITE roller coaster is the old, wooden, no loops - no frills - only hills: TIMBERWOLF.

Quick evaluation:

• old
• wooden
• no loops
• no frills
• only hills
• lumber on hand for minor repairs
• Empty cars for plenty-o-riders

Due to the first 6 reasons on the eval list - the 7th reason makes the Timberwolf - GOLDEN. The lines aren't that long - and sometimes if you're fast enough (which I guess I was...back in the day) - you can run back and ride it over, and over, and OVER again. My heart swells with happiness just blogging about it!

It was on one of these days that our story takes place. I was with some friends at the park and we got to the Timberwolf with no lines - no waiting - and no limits. So, we each took our own cars (did I mention bench seats, with only a seat belt and lap bar - UNREAL?!) and the happiness began.

I'm not a ticklish person - but the Timberwolf - tickles me. Sounds off - in more ways than one - but just hear me out. When you tell people you're not ticklish - the first thing that everyone does (yes - I'll throw in an absolute) - is try to tickle you. THAT is annoying and becomes burdensome. So even the word - ticklish becomes burdensome and your whole life is ruined...or is it?

Once I buckle up (as loose as it will go!) and the ride starts ticking and jerking towards the top - my heart is bursting with joy (and a dash of anxiety). When I head down the first hill - arms raised high - stomach dropped low - and screaming at the top of my lungs - it happens: I begin to laugh and I can't stop. It's like all those times people have poked me or tried to tickle me - all those times surface and I can't get away from the silliness it causes. I throw my head back - stomp the ground - try to breathe - squeeze the lap bar tighter - but nothing can stop the laughter - and I realize - my life is NOT ruined. :)

This particular day - we were riding the Timberwolf for the THIRD time in a row and I was having a hay day! Even though I had already ridden it twice - I could NOT stop laughing. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and threw my head back as I laughed uncontrollably. I laughed so hard that I SLOBBERED. I SLOBBERED!!! And of course I laughed even harder about that - but remember how I'm on a rollercoaster? And remember how my slobber got caught by the wind and hit my friend behind me?! BAHAHA - I SLOBBERED ON ME AND ON MY FRIEND!!! BAHAHA!!!

FAST FORWARD to this last Wednesday night. 

The girls and I are out on the town - eating sushi - drinking soda - gettin' CRAZAY!!! We're singing our hearts out to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody and reliving our high school days.

The song comes to the "headbanging" part - and we hit a RED LIGHT!!! Coincidence? I like to call it DESTINY!!!

We go NUTS!!! We're headbanging like we're in the 90's! The car's shaking - we're losing brain cells - people are hiding their children - and then I headbang the SLOBBER out of me!!! HAHAHA 

That's right - I SLOBBERED and in that one moment, I was transported back to the Timberwolf and all its glory. The conditions weren't right (so Alina and Mandy missed out in being slobbered on), but we all laughed harder - knowing that it happened.

I'm still not ticklish (don't try it! ha!), but I know what being tickled feels like - and it doesn't always end up in saliva.

I'm just grateful for moments that make me remember the Timberwolf, and for more opportunities - to slobber. <3

I was lost, but now I'm found...

I'm OCD...almost to the point, where I refer to it as CDO because that's in alphabetical order (eh? EH? hahahaaaaters!!!). I don't need to be on a TV show or anything - but I do things in particular ways because it makes sense to me.

Where did I learn this? My mother: RIN-DIZZLE...but she refers to it as "being organized". Right....THAT.

It's a known fact in my family (probably worldwide) how "organized" my mom is. My dad puts it best:

Big Ray: You know how your mother is! If I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night - she's made the bed!

So - it came as no surprise to me - that when I bought a new spray bottle for my hair on Thursday - and left it on the kitchen counter - my spray bottle went missing. And just in time for my parents to leave for the weekend. 

Sure, I searched for it...in all the obvious places (within T-Rex arm reach) and it was gone. I figured that Rin-Dizzle had just "organized" my spray bottle to a place I was unaware of.

Big Ray and Rin-Dizzle returned this afternoon and I was excited to finally use my spray bottle!

*I'm in the bathroom getting ready*

Me: Hey, mom! Where did you put my new spray bottle? I can't find it anywhere.
Rin-Dizzle: I didn't do anything with it. The last time I saw it - it was on the kitchen counter.
Me: So...you didn't put it anywhere? (pretty skeptical at this point)
Rin-Dizzle: Nope! I promise I didn't touch your spray bottle! Let me see if I can find it.
*Mom closes the doors and I can hear her talking to my dad and Ladybug*
Rin-Dizzle: (muffled questions)
Big Ray: (muffled answer)
Ladybug: BAHAHAHA
Me: *sad face - my brother only laughs at my misfortune*

....a few minutes pass...

Rin-Dizzle: *handing me my spray bottle* Here you go!
Me: (happily surprised) HOORAY! Where did you find it?!
Rin-Dizzle: You might want to rinse it out really well...
Me: (worried) Waaait - what? Why?
Rin-Dizzle: Because your father put weed killer in it.
Ladybug: BAHAHAHA 

 Don't you worry - I learned some valuable lessons in "The Missing Spray Bottle" episode:

1. Perhaps, my mom's OCD stems from bad hair experiences - when she left her spray bottle on the kitchen counter
2. Even my OCD can be curbed with some hot, soapy water :)

 

Faking the funk...

The world is full of fake people - just keepin' it real. And I've decided to categorize these "wolves in sheep skin" to prove my point: Innocent Fake, Emergency Fake, and Dangerous Fake.

INNOCENT FAKE

My sister, Bunny, is Korean. She married a Latino fella we call Lare Bear, and together, they have four beautiful children. They all look mostly Asian though and today she took the youngest two kids to play in the mall.

Bunny: *sitting watching her kids*
(A little white girl approaches Bunny)
Little White Girl: Ni hao!
Bunny: *ninja kick to the face*

hahaha - I wish!!! Obviously - this little girl was faking that she knew Chinese - or Asian people at all. And Bunny was just faking that she's Asian. ;) No harm, no foul (except for the ninja kick) and pretty funny.

 

Emergency Fake

My parents left for the weekend and trusted their youngest children - Ladybug (26) and Brown Sugar (30) - to take care of the house (I forgot to water the plants) and take care of each other. Pretty simple - except taking care of Ladybug includes doctor appointments and consultations for his dialysis. 

Thank goodness I'm so responsible!...but being responsible doesn't = being employed (although some people equate the two), which doesn't = having money for a copay. Rin-Dizzle forgot to leave us a signed check - so our day started out with practicing Big Ray's signature:

Not too shabby - we were even able to share some personal experiences from "back in the day" when we used Big Ray's signature to excuse us from silly things, like school. We were in an emergency and faking our father's signature was a solution we were willing to try. Luckily, we didn't have to resort to forging a check or stealing a debit card - the doctor's office will just bill us. *phew*

Dangerous Fake

Ladybug and I arrive for his consultation on Peritoneal Dialysis (PD). His lupus has attacked his kidneys and they no longer function - so he does dialysis. With PD, Ladybug has the option of having a stint/shunt placed into his abdomen and doing dialysis at home. We are at the surgeon office - to learn how the shunt will be placed and what we need to do, in order for the placement to be successful. I'll try to separate the dialogue - so you can see the different conversations taking place. I hope I don't lose you - because I want you to truly understand the concept I'm trying to convey.

*Ladybug and I are walking to the exam rooms - being ushered in by Nurse #1*

Nurse #1: You are SO young! *shaking her head*

Ladybug: Yeah...but I'm okay.

Nurse #1: So what's going on with your kidneys?

*Ladybug looks at the nurse surprised*

Ladybug: Well - I have lupus and they've stopped functioning.

Nurse #1: Oh, right...right. And you're SO young!

*Nurse #1 taking Ladybug's blood pressure and noticing his stretch marks on his arms*

Nurse #1: Did you get burned?!

Ladybug: No, those are from when I had chemo and when I retained liquid. I have bigger ones on my stomach and stuff.

Nurse #1: I just can't believe it! You poor thing! You were really dealt a bad hand!

*I'm thinking that's not encouraging*

*Nurse #1 leaves after telling us another nurse will be in to explain the process of placing the shunt*

Nurse #2: *looking at Ladybug's chart* Alright...so what's going on with your kidneys? 

*Ladybug & I look at the nurse surprised*

Ladybug: Well - I have lupus and -

Nurse #2: Oh yeah - right...right. So, you're familiar with PD and how it works for patients?

Ladybug: Yes - we watched a DVD about it

Nurse #2: Great! So what will happen is - the doctor will place the shunt in your abdomen and that's where you'll hook up for dialysis each night.

Ladybug: So - when do I get this shunt out? (he has one in the right side of his chest right now) 

Nurse #2: That's a great question. It takes about 4 weeks for the shunt in your abdomen to heal and become apart of the abdomen. So you'll continue to go to dialysis for a few weeks after your surgery with us - just to make sure everything heals and is ready. You'll keep that shunt in for that reason. After the first 2 weeks of having your abdomen shunt - you'll come back to the PD nurses upstairs (in the building we were at) and they'll flush the tube - make sure it's working okay - and that helps to guard against infection. Sometimes it's as early as 3 weeks - but we advise 4 weeks to be safe.

Me: So - you guys only place the shunt - you don't do anything else?

Nurse #2: That is correct - all of his care will be with the PD nurses.

*I'm actually feeling a little relieved...I don't know how to take these guys*

*Nurse #2 leaves and tells us that the doctor will come in to discuss the actual procedure in placing the shunt*

Doctor: So we're doing PD, huh? What's going on with your kidneys?

*...you're kidding me, right?*

Ladybug: *chuckling* I've got lupus and it's attacked my kidneys.

Doctor: Right...right. So - you've been informed of the options for dialysis? You didn't want to do hemodialysis?

Ladybug: No, my doctors advised me to do PD.

Doctor: Alright, are you doing dialysis right now?

Ladybug: Yeah - I've been doing it about a month.

Doctor: When will you remove that other shunt?

Ladybug: *speaking slowly - to make sure this is really happening* Not for a few weeks - because the shunt in my stomach has to have time to heal...right?

Doctor: Oh yes......THAT.

Me:      

Me: So - you only place the shunt - you don't do anything else? All of his care will be with the PD nurses upstairs, right?

Doctor: Right.

Me: Great!

*Ladybug and I run out*

If that's not "dangerous fake" - I don't know what is!!! Of course, we'll talk to our insurance - we'll meet with them again - we'll make sure they're legit. Ladybug figures the doctor was just having an "OFF" day.

Well, the doctor better be having an "ON" day when he operates on my brother - or Bunny won't be faking her ninja kick!