Faking the funk...

The world is full of fake people - just keepin' it real. And I've decided to categorize these "wolves in sheep skin" to prove my point: Innocent Fake, Emergency Fake, and Dangerous Fake.

INNOCENT FAKE

My sister, Bunny, is Korean. She married a Latino fella we call Lare Bear, and together, they have four beautiful children. They all look mostly Asian though and today she took the youngest two kids to play in the mall.

Bunny: *sitting watching her kids*
(A little white girl approaches Bunny)
Little White Girl: Ni hao!
Bunny: *ninja kick to the face*

hahaha - I wish!!! Obviously - this little girl was faking that she knew Chinese - or Asian people at all. And Bunny was just faking that she's Asian. ;) No harm, no foul (except for the ninja kick) and pretty funny.

 

Emergency Fake

My parents left for the weekend and trusted their youngest children - Ladybug (26) and Brown Sugar (30) - to take care of the house (I forgot to water the plants) and take care of each other. Pretty simple - except taking care of Ladybug includes doctor appointments and consultations for his dialysis. 

Thank goodness I'm so responsible!...but being responsible doesn't = being employed (although some people equate the two), which doesn't = having money for a copay. Rin-Dizzle forgot to leave us a signed check - so our day started out with practicing Big Ray's signature:

Not too shabby - we were even able to share some personal experiences from "back in the day" when we used Big Ray's signature to excuse us from silly things, like school. We were in an emergency and faking our father's signature was a solution we were willing to try. Luckily, we didn't have to resort to forging a check or stealing a debit card - the doctor's office will just bill us. *phew*

Dangerous Fake

Ladybug and I arrive for his consultation on Peritoneal Dialysis (PD). His lupus has attacked his kidneys and they no longer function - so he does dialysis. With PD, Ladybug has the option of having a stint/shunt placed into his abdomen and doing dialysis at home. We are at the surgeon office - to learn how the shunt will be placed and what we need to do, in order for the placement to be successful. I'll try to separate the dialogue - so you can see the different conversations taking place. I hope I don't lose you - because I want you to truly understand the concept I'm trying to convey.

*Ladybug and I are walking to the exam rooms - being ushered in by Nurse #1*

Nurse #1: You are SO young! *shaking her head*

Ladybug: Yeah...but I'm okay.

Nurse #1: So what's going on with your kidneys?

*Ladybug looks at the nurse surprised*

Ladybug: Well - I have lupus and they've stopped functioning.

Nurse #1: Oh, right...right. And you're SO young!

*Nurse #1 taking Ladybug's blood pressure and noticing his stretch marks on his arms*

Nurse #1: Did you get burned?!

Ladybug: No, those are from when I had chemo and when I retained liquid. I have bigger ones on my stomach and stuff.

Nurse #1: I just can't believe it! You poor thing! You were really dealt a bad hand!

*I'm thinking that's not encouraging*

*Nurse #1 leaves after telling us another nurse will be in to explain the process of placing the shunt*

Nurse #2: *looking at Ladybug's chart* Alright...so what's going on with your kidneys? 

*Ladybug & I look at the nurse surprised*

Ladybug: Well - I have lupus and -

Nurse #2: Oh yeah - right...right. So, you're familiar with PD and how it works for patients?

Ladybug: Yes - we watched a DVD about it

Nurse #2: Great! So what will happen is - the doctor will place the shunt in your abdomen and that's where you'll hook up for dialysis each night.

Ladybug: So - when do I get this shunt out? (he has one in the right side of his chest right now) 

Nurse #2: That's a great question. It takes about 4 weeks for the shunt in your abdomen to heal and become apart of the abdomen. So you'll continue to go to dialysis for a few weeks after your surgery with us - just to make sure everything heals and is ready. You'll keep that shunt in for that reason. After the first 2 weeks of having your abdomen shunt - you'll come back to the PD nurses upstairs (in the building we were at) and they'll flush the tube - make sure it's working okay - and that helps to guard against infection. Sometimes it's as early as 3 weeks - but we advise 4 weeks to be safe.

Me: So - you guys only place the shunt - you don't do anything else?

Nurse #2: That is correct - all of his care will be with the PD nurses.

*I'm actually feeling a little relieved...I don't know how to take these guys*

*Nurse #2 leaves and tells us that the doctor will come in to discuss the actual procedure in placing the shunt*

Doctor: So we're doing PD, huh? What's going on with your kidneys?

*...you're kidding me, right?*

Ladybug: *chuckling* I've got lupus and it's attacked my kidneys.

Doctor: Right...right. So - you've been informed of the options for dialysis? You didn't want to do hemodialysis?

Ladybug: No, my doctors advised me to do PD.

Doctor: Alright, are you doing dialysis right now?

Ladybug: Yeah - I've been doing it about a month.

Doctor: When will you remove that other shunt?

Ladybug: *speaking slowly - to make sure this is really happening* Not for a few weeks - because the shunt in my stomach has to have time to heal...right?

Doctor: Oh yes......THAT.

Me:      

Me: So - you only place the shunt - you don't do anything else? All of his care will be with the PD nurses upstairs, right?

Doctor: Right.

Me: Great!

*Ladybug and I run out*

If that's not "dangerous fake" - I don't know what is!!! Of course, we'll talk to our insurance - we'll meet with them again - we'll make sure they're legit. Ladybug figures the doctor was just having an "OFF" day.

Well, the doctor better be having an "ON" day when he operates on my brother - or Bunny won't be faking her ninja kick!