I'm a brat...

I went to the doctor the other week because my foot started  hurting so badly – that I couldn’t walk. It’s an ongoing pain that I’ve had since 2007 that effects both of my feet – but only one at a time. It does NOT include gout, or diabetes, or whatever stereotype there is to assign to large, Polynesians...that I know of. :)

Why not go to the doctor? Because I have no health insurance. Plus, I stopped selling drugs – so it’s harder to afford the copay as well. Don’t worry – I have a legal job – doing legal things – that pay legal taxes – but doesn’t offer health insurance because I’m not legally full time.

Lucky for me – I found out there is a low-income clinic in the city that I work in – and I was in so much pain – I finally went. I was nervous about limping into a clinic – looking all brown and ghetto – but when the doors opened and I saw the amount of minorities in the waiting area – I felt at home! A little Kansas City, MO – right here in Utah!

I, of course, waited in line – and when I could finally step up to the urgent care – I was informed that since I didn’t lie about previous foot pain – I had to see a doctor for preexisting condition. I was treated like an addict – looking for pills and when I made it clear that I wanted someone to look at my foot – I was given a new patient appointment for the following Tuesday…5 days away.

Fine. I took a picture of my foot and played their game. R-est, I-ce, C-ompress, and E-levate all weekend. Sacrificed time with friends and my low rider bike to get better. Here’s what happened when I made it to my appointment that Tuesday:

Dr.: So, you’re having foot problems?
Me: Yup. And I’m coming to you because everyone tells me it could be different things – but I want to know. Do I have the gout? Am I diabetic? Is it a stress fracture? I just want to know what’s going on so I can correct it and move on.
Dr. (looking at my foot): It doesn’t seem too swollen today.
Me: Uh, that’s because I came in last Thursday to see you.

*showing him this picture to prove my sadness* 

Me: I’ve been doing that R.I.C.E. thing and taking four of the 200mg which makes 800 mg of ibuprofen every 8 hours or so for pain. I alternate it with Tylenol if it’s really bad though. And I know that my weight plays into this. You’ve seen my weight – but I’m Polynesian and we’re made of steel – so that makes us weigh more, right? :)

Dr. (taking notes and not really paying attention to me): Mmmmhmmmm.

Me: I started weights again and I’m trying to lose weight – but how can I lose weight and exercise, if I can’t even walk? It’s frustrating…

Dr (taking my foot in his hand and squeezing it lightly): Does this hurt? Can you feel it?

Me: It’s uncomfortable – but not too painful. Yes – I can feel that.

Dr: Well, the fact that you can feel that means you’re not diabetic. People with diabetes can’t feel their feet. Do you have any open wounds? Or wounds that won’t heal?

Me: No.

Dr: That’s another sign of diabetes as well. I mean, there’s a little discoloration in your leg…

Me: Because I’m brown? :)

Dr (ignoring my racial humor – still holding my foot): Can you move your toes?

Me: Yup.

Dr: Well, you can move your toes so that means it’s not a stress fracture. And you say that your pain is in the top of your foot – no so much the big toe. I don’t think it’s gout. I think that you have a condition called planter’s fasciitis. It’s pretty painful – but can be dealt with stretches and ibuprofen.

Me: But, I don’t have any heel pain.

Dr: Has your heel ever hurt?

Me: Yes. But, that’s not the case this time.

Dr: I’ve got some stretching exercises that I can print out for you. And we can get you some ibuprofen 800s.

Me: What’s the difference between those and me taking the 4 pills of 200 mg?

Dr: Is that what you’ve been taking? I thought you were taking 4 pills of 800 mg! You can stick to taking the 4 pills of 200 mg.

Me (now that I know that he hasn’t been listening – I’m kind of annoyed): Are you a doctor? :)

Dr: I’m a PA.

Me: Do you volunteer here? :)

PA: This is my full time job.

Me: Oh….

*PA moves to the computer where he starts typing in my file and ignoring me – so I get bored and move to where I’m facing him and watching him type*

PA (while he types): So, what you’ll need to do – is take ibuprofen and refrain from activities that hurt your foot.

Me: Can I lift weights?

PA (still typing): If it doesn’t hurt your foot.

Me: Can I ride my bike?

PA (looking up): Did you ride your bike to the clinic today?

Me: Does it look like I rode my bike here? :)

PA: *stops typing and stares at me*

Me: NO – I have a low rider bike that I just bought and I want to be able to ride it.

PA (back to typing): If it doesn’t hurt your foot.

Me: Can I go clubbing this Saturday? :)

PA: I’d probably refrain from that for a while.

*PA typing in silence*

Me: So I can’t do things that will hurt my foot?

PA (still typing): Nope.

*PA typing in silence*

Me: *DRAMATIC SIGH*

PA (looking up): Yes?

Me (trying really hard to be serious): SO…I can’t go running? 

PA (not amused): No.

*PA typing in silence*

Me: *DRAMATIC SIGH*

PA (looking up): Yes?

Me: I’m sad because *sigh*....it’s just that *sigh*…I’m going to have to tell the guys on my Ragnar team that I can’t do it this year. And I was the anchor!!!

PA (stands and heads to the door): I have your exercises printed off for you and you’re good to go.

HAHAHA