Walkers, Tears, and Life Realizations...

Is it unhealthy that I experience all my emotions while watching "The Walking Dead"?

Most likely.

But, it's not until I'm wrapped up into a show (or book) - and its characters - their lives - their joys - and their heartaches - that I let myself feel.

And lately - I've felt inadequate.

Inadequate in losing all the weight I know I should.

Inadequate in dating...if that's what you could call it.

Inadequate at my job.

So, here I am - sick with a stomach virus - watching this show and crying. Crying because good people have to die. Crying because bad people haven't died. Crying because people are trying to change...but get turned into zombies and have to die. Crying because they only get to eat a can of beans - once every four days. Crying because I started watching this show again because of a lame guy I recently hooked up with that made me watch Season 4 before Season 3 and we all know how plot lines don't connect when watching seasons OUT. OF. ORDER.

*crying*

It was good to cry things out. When I'm crying over the zombie apocalypse - I'm not crying over my own life. And if I'm not crying over my own life - I don't feel bad, lame, or ungrateful. 

My life doesn't suck. It's not too hard. It's definitely not how I imagined or planned it to be...and sometimes that can be unsettling for me.

A good cry helps to clear out my head and heart space. All the violence, change, survival, grudges, forgiveness, hate, and love in "The Walking Dead" helps to put things in perspective for me.

Weight: I wouldn't survive the zombie apocalypse. I wouldn't want to live on a can of beans for 4 days - run everywhere - and be dirty for so long. Heck - I'm hardly surviving this stomach virus...which has helped me to lose some weight. But, not the way I want to. SO - when I recover - I'll hit the gym with the same vengeance and passion I was planning on hitting it with before I got sick. I'm not a quitter - and if it takes me 10 million years to get to my goal weight - I'll keep trying.

Dating: Online dating IS the zombie apocalypse. I'll stay away from it and live to see another day.

Job: Who ever thought I'd be in Data Analytics full time? Of course it's hard for me - but I enjoy my job - it's challenging - and I am learning. I'll keep working hard - learning more - and hopefully - get a raise so I can move to Scotland...or at least visit. ;)

One day - I'll live a life with a full range of emotions. Until then - I'll continue to operate with happiness and anger. I'll utilize media and literature to understand pain and sadness better...and tell you about it.

Which is a little healthier...right? <3

*holding out for my very own redneck, bad-A, tender-hearted, skinny, white boy*