Again - I know it's about priorities, but it seems like I have to prioritize my life into sections of Health and Employment. It's depressing to think my life can be categorized into TWO sections. Of course - within those sections there are more priorities, but this is what it included last week:
>Work from 5 am - 1:30 pm
>Eat what meals I prepped or Cleanse
>Work from 2 pm - 7 pm
>Go home and try to interact with my busy family that's trying to get to bed, so really just sit on the couch by myself for 30-45 minutes
>Shower and sleep
>Repeat (minus the shower some days...don't judge me)
One of my friends at the Glass House is going through some struggles, so we picked up shifts for her. I didn't realize that would equate to five, 14 hour days. I know that there are many people in the world that work harder days with more intense work than I do.
But, this is MY blog and I feel like crying on it right now. ;)
By the end of the week (that culminated in my actual DAY of birth) - I was DONE. I went to a neighbor's house for games with the family...and KNOCKED. OUT. hahaha
I went to bed pretty defeated. I was tired, I wanted to eat EVERYTHING (just because I CAN'T - I'm actually not feeling hungry). My foot's in a stupid boot still. I still don't know why I try to lose weight. I think it's dumb that I even HAVE to lose weight. AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! :(
I fell asleep in a pity party that night - not excited to turn 34 the next day.
Yet, when I woke up that next morning...LIFE WAS GREAT <3
I was happy - full of energy - and even though I was working an 8 hour shift AND cleansing on my BIRTHDAY - my heart was full. I kept smiling and I couldn't help but BE happy.
It's the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE that I haven't had a birthday cake on my birthday.
My heart didn't care. :)
Hozier (my latest Irish obsession) completely narrates my life with his lyrics from Work Song:
"I'm so full of love I can barely eat"I was completely OVERFILLED with love that day. I know it's corny, but it's true!!!
With the phone calls, texts, voxes, emails, and FB posts - I knew I was loved.
Just waking up in the morning I FELT I was loved. <3 *Jesus hi-five!!!*
It was a great reminder, to me, that I AM trying my hardest and I AM making progress. It's going to be worth it in the end for ME. Not for anyone else - for ME.
I keep questioning why I'm even doing this. I know it's not for love. I already have that.
It's not for a skinny, white boy (hopefully with ginger hair and an accent...ha!).
It's for ME.
For me to be HAPPY and to continue to help others be happy and feel loved by being ME.
One of my co worker's told me not to lose weight - because if I got skinny - I wouldn't be ME anymore.
A. I am not trying to be a twig bit...girl (ha!)
2. I am not defined by my size or weightWhy can't I be Brown Sugar as a size 18 instead of a size 30?
Why can't I be crazy and wild Brown Sugar - but shop at a regular clothing store?
Why can't I be hilarious Brown Sugar and fit into my airplane seat belt?
I CAN!!!
And for some reason - on 07 March 2015 - the morning of my 34th birthday - Jesus woke me up with that realization in my heart.
BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.
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| I LOVE MANDY & I LOVE KARAOKE!!! <3 |
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