I pride myself on my sense of direction. Out of all my siblings - I'm the one that travels the most, knows how to read maps, and doesn't freak out when I'm lost...which actually happens a lot.
It seems paradoxical - but it's the truth - I'm AWESOME at getting lost and I'm AWESOMER getting un-lost. (Did I mention that my English is deteriorating with the German I'm learning and Spanglish/Tonglish I pretend to know?)
SO - the easiest place for me to make friends (and feel good about myself...hahaha) is at our Church's Young Single Adult activities. It's a place for all the LDS kids (ages 18-150) that can't get married - to hangout with other kids that can't get married and pretend that we know what dating and human interaction is. Here in Germany, the place we meet isn't at a church. It's at a place appropriately named: Young Single Adults Outreach Unit. And it is here - that my adventure begins...
For the Monday before Thanksgiving - we had our own little Thanksgiving dinner. It's fun for the Americans to show some culture, Germans to judge us, and everyone to bring friends for free food. Aaaannnddd - it was a success! The food was great - everyone ate my pani popo with vigor - and I was able to hangout with my newly acquired Tongan friend, Tu'ifua. It's crazy how Jesus just keeps handing me brown friends to hug (he's a Kahuku Boy - raised in Hawa'ii!).
It's getting pretty late (9:30 pm...don't hate!) and one of the Elders (a missionary for our Church) comes over and asks if I drove to the activity. I slowly reply, yes and he proceeds to ask if I would be able to take 3 guys home. Turns out that they came with one of the YSA guys, but he left them. Y'all know how much I love to serve Jesus - so I tell him that's fine and to show me who the 3 guys are. It turns out that they're Chinese and I ask him what their names are.
Missionary: "I don't know. But they can tell you - they speak English".
Sounds goody! So we all head out to the parking lot and say goodbye to each other (Tu'ifua offered to drop them off while he was driving away...just out of reach of the *slap* I wanted to give his face) and the Asians (labeled 1,2,3 respectively) and I start piling into my little red Opel.
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| Imagine this a cherry red...with a large, brown girl driving.... |
Me: Alright! So what's your guys' names?
*All the Asians look at each other and shrug their shoulders*
Me: Ha! Do any of you speak English?
Asian 1: A ritter
*Asian 2 and Asian 3 take the backseat without saying a word and Asian 1 rides shotgun*
Me: Okay! Where do you guys live?
*All the Asians look at each other in surprise and start speaking Chinese*
Asian 1: You do not know whell we rive?
Me: Sorry bout it! I just know that I'm supposed to take you home tonight. You live in Kaiserslautern, yeah?
*more Chinese*
Asian 1: Ah, yes!
Me: Good! You guys just need to show me where to drop you off.
*concerned Chinese*
Asian 1: You have no gps?
Me: Nope
*All Asians bust out their iphones*
By this time, the German fog has set in and I have taken at least 2 wrong turns on the roundabouts - so we're lost
Asian 1: *holding up his pink iphone & pointing to gps* You forrow brue rine to house!
Terrific! No more worries then - thanks to their iphones (I thought I'd never say that...ha!).
But did I tell you that I have no power steering in my red Opel? That makes the phrase, "turns on a dime" completely fictional. And sometimes - you NEED to be able to turn quickly...when you're lost...in a thick fog...with people you don't know...that don't speak Engrish...hahaha
And have I told you that I lost my glasses my first week in Germany and to save on money - haven't changed my contacts since October 1? So, seeing is hard enough in broad daylight...add fog + night + Asian holding gps in his hand and not where I can see it anyways = EXCITING.
So we are cruising - and I should mention that their town is only 10 minutes away, but we've been lost for at least 30 minutes by now. I learn so many things the hard way - and tonight (among many others) I am learning that speeding to get un-lost does NOT = success.
Me: *squinting to see the gps* So....do I turn anytime soon?
*Chinese ABOUT me, not directed TO me*
Asian 1: Uh, no. You go stlaight - the whore time - STLAIGHT.
Me: Hoki poki - but I'm reading the signs just in case...
Asian 2 (seated behind me): 100 meetah
Me: 100 meters til what?
Asian 1: STLAIGHT
Me: *stepping on the gas pedal* Oooookay...
*Asian 3 starts speaking Chinese to Asian 1 - I can tell they are disagreeing about something*
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Me: What?
Asian 1: No - just go STLAIGHT
*more Chinese*
Asian 1: REFT!!! You go reft light heel...
Me: What happened to going straight all the way?! *Asians stay silent* Well, we just passed an exit, I think - so should I turn around and go back?
Asian 1: *pointing to gps* No - reft - light - heel...
Me: Well....it doesn't look like it leads anywhere, but okay...
I take a left...onto an unpaved road. It leads into an alley that goes behind a bunch of housing and is filled with litter and dumpsters. I hope these Asians know some kung fu, 'cause we about to get jumped by vampires or werewolves...
Asian 1: Uh...this - is - not - a - load...
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Me: That's what I said! I'll just pull back out and I'll take the exit we passed.
*more Chinese*
We have now been lost for at least an hour - but I find my way to Kaiserslautern from wherever we were driving. I can't even celebrate my high levels of INTELLIGENCE because the present company would most likely bail out of my moving car - out of fear.
Me: How long have you guys been here?
*more Chinese*
Asian 1: Uh...9 month?
Me: Y'all just going to school?
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: Uh - yes.
*more Chinese*
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: How rong you heel foh?
Me: Oh, I've been here for 3 or 4 weeks?
*more Chinese*
We finally find their apartment building and they all start getting out.
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: Do you know how to get home?
Me: Nope.
*All the Asians laugh*
Asian 2: *waving goodbye* 100 meetah!
Into the fog they went - and back in my car I sat - ready to find my way home...which I did...eventually. ;)
So we are cruising - and I should mention that their town is only 10 minutes away, but we've been lost for at least 30 minutes by now. I learn so many things the hard way - and tonight (among many others) I am learning that speeding to get un-lost does NOT = success.
Me: *squinting to see the gps* So....do I turn anytime soon?
*Chinese ABOUT me, not directed TO me*
Asian 1: Uh, no. You go stlaight - the whore time - STLAIGHT.
Me: Hoki poki - but I'm reading the signs just in case...
Asian 2 (seated behind me): 100 meetah
Me: 100 meters til what?
Asian 1: STLAIGHT
Me: *stepping on the gas pedal* Oooookay...
*Asian 3 starts speaking Chinese to Asian 1 - I can tell they are disagreeing about something*
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Me: What?
Asian 1: No - just go STLAIGHT
*more Chinese*
Asian 1: REFT!!! You go reft light heel...
Me: What happened to going straight all the way?! *Asians stay silent* Well, we just passed an exit, I think - so should I turn around and go back?
Asian 1: *pointing to gps* No - reft - light - heel...
Me: Well....it doesn't look like it leads anywhere, but okay...
I take a left...onto an unpaved road. It leads into an alley that goes behind a bunch of housing and is filled with litter and dumpsters. I hope these Asians know some kung fu, 'cause we about to get jumped by vampires or werewolves...
Asian 1: Uh...this - is - not - a - load...
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Me: That's what I said! I'll just pull back out and I'll take the exit we passed.
*more Chinese*
We have now been lost for at least an hour - but I find my way to Kaiserslautern from wherever we were driving. I can't even celebrate my high levels of INTELLIGENCE because the present company would most likely bail out of my moving car - out of fear.
Me: How long have you guys been here?
*more Chinese*
Asian 1: Uh...9 month?
Me: Y'all just going to school?
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: Uh - yes.
*more Chinese*
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: How rong you heel foh?
Me: Oh, I've been here for 3 or 4 weeks?
*more Chinese*
We finally find their apartment building and they all start getting out.
Asian 2: 100 meetah
Asian 1: Do you know how to get home?
Me: Nope.
*All the Asians laugh*
Asian 2: *waving goodbye* 100 meetah!
Into the fog they went - and back in my car I sat - ready to find my way home...which I did...eventually. ;)